


May The Gourds Be With You

by CalamityK



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Autumn, Established Relationship, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Pumpkins, all other members and post-members of this lovely band are mentioned, but not really, cute af if i do say so myself, harry and louis are the focus because its like a roadtrip!Au, however, no really pumpkins are very important in this, puns, so many puns, you know which one is responsible for the puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 10:11:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4621389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Next time you want to go on a road trip to the middle of nowhere, I’m saying no. ASDA has plenty of pumpkins.” Louis says darkly. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Harry shoves his phone back in his pocket, “Just start the car like I said and we can see if we can get back the way we came.”</i>
</p>
<p><i>Louis turns the key slowly and isn’t even surprised when nothing happens. He just sighs, “God hates us.” </i><br/>____________<br/>Or that one fic with where Harry can't read maps, and Louis hates pumpkins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May The Gourds Be With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> The prompt for this was basically "Harry and Louis go to visit a pumpkin patch and get lost, after some arguing they visit a starbucks."  
> Well.....that's not exactly what this is. At all. I can't bring myself to be sorry.  
> Lovely thanks to Alix for being the beta I don't deserve.  
> To the lovely prompter. I hope you like this mess I've made you.

 “I didn’t realize the map was upside down.”

 

Louis doesn’t even raise his head from the steering wheel to respond, “One would think that the fact the _words_ were also _upside down_ might have clued you in.”

Harry shuffles a bit in the passenger’s seat. “We aren’t that lost really. Just a bit in the opposite direction of what we were going for.”

“Harry, we are literally in the middle of a cornfield.”

~~~~~~~~

**A Good Bit of Time Prior:**

The first thing Louis is aware of when he wakes up, is the fact that his mattress has apparently gained the ability to jump up and down. It takes him a few moments of trying to stretch to realize that Harry is straddling his back and is bouncing up and down on top of him.

“Wake up, Lou. C’mon, up, up, up.” Harry sounds way too cheerful for it to be this early. _What time is it?_ Louis wriggles to get Harry off of him and cracks one eyelid open. The small clock on his bedside table informs him that it’s barely half-nine. _An ungodly hour to be awake._

“Harry.” Louis says it into the pillow so it’s rather muffled, “Why on earth do I need to be ‘up, up, up’ this early on a Saturday?”

Harry is still straddling him but has ceased his bouncing, just gasps in mock horror, “You mean to tell me you don’t remember what today is?”

A small, minuscule really, jolt of panic shoots through Louis. He knows it’s not Harry’s birthday, it’s not anyone else’s either. At least not anyone he immediately cares about. It’s not any anniversaries, theirs is in mid-march, Zayn and Liam’s is in December. As far as he knows it’s just a normal Saturday in the middle of October. “I give up. What’s today?”

Harry clambers off of him and Louis feels him grasp his side before he’s being flung onto his back. When he fully opens his eyes he’s met with a face-full of beaming Harry. “Today, Louis, is the first day the Hillcrest pumpkin patch is open to the public.”

Louis blinks a few times. Harry’s smile is so bright it’s blinding him. “And?”

“ _And_ , we are going to go pick out pumpkins for our front patio. _Prize-winning_ pumpkins.” Harry says.

Let it be known that Louis isn’t particularly fond of pumpkins prize-winning or not. Unless they’re being used to flavor things, like pies, or lattes. “Why exactly am I needed to help you pick out shiny orange gourds? Can’t we just buy some from the market bin outside ASDA? Didn’t your mum grow some this year?”

Harry just sighs, “You’re asking too many questions, and they’re not gourds.” Harry pauses and gets a blank look on his face, “Are they?”

Louis doesn’t actually know, “As far as I’m concerned they might as well be.”

~~~~~~~~

**Twenty Minutes and One Google Search Later:**

Pumpkins are not gourds. They’re squash of some sort according to the internet, which Louis isn’t sure can be fully trusted. Harry’s still on his iphone, now trying to determine if they’re a fruit or a vegetable. The answer to that doesn’t really matter, because Louis is going to smash one upside Harry’s head later either way.

He won’t actually, but it’s a nice thought. “It’d probably be a better use of your time if you got off of Wikipedia and maybe looked up some directions so we can leave the driveway.” Louis says tapping the steering wheel.

Harry startles and just looks at him. “I was just getting to the part saying that they’re closer to a fruit.” He locks his phone and starts shuffling in the glove box. “Besides,” Harry says, tugging out a discolored piece of paper, that when unfolded reveals to be a map that’s probably older than both of them, “I have this.”

Louis eyes both his passenger and the ancient map dubiously, “Do you even know how to read that?”

Harry has enough dignity to look insulted. “Of course I do.”

He says it with enough confidence that Louis almost believes him. _Almost._ “Fine. I’ll take your word for it, but if you get me lost I’ll pray to whatever god I have to, to turn _you_ into a bloody pumpkin.”

Harry just hums and smiles happily down at the map. “It’ll probably have to be a pagan god if it’s about pumpkins.”

Louis snorts and turns the key in the ignition. If regular god granted wishes he would still be in bed.

~~~~~~~

The drive isn’t so bad. At least not as bad as Louis had expected. It’s only supposed to be around two hours to get to the farm Harry’s wanting to go to. They’re about forty minutes in and Harry seems to be reading the map just fine. He’s told Louis where to turn well before he has to, ensuring he’s got time to signal. And best of all he hasn’t even made any bad jokes, not even a single pun. It’s the most blissful time they’ve had in a car since they went to Harry’s house for their first Christmas together.

It’s not two seconds after Louis has the thought that Harry shuffles in the seat beside him and says, “Lou, I have a question.”

Louis keeps his eyes on the road ahead of him, “Yes.”

Harry giggles prematurely. A good sign that what he’s about to ask won’t be funny at all. “Why were the two pumpkins so close?” He pauses for Louis to say something but Louis just presses his mouth into a firm line. He loves Harry, but he hates puns. “Because they had deep roots.”

“Horrible joke. D minus. I’ve heard better from Niall when he’s high.” Louis says dryly.

“Okay then how about this? Why did the pumpkin cross the road?” Harry counters.

Louis wants to point out that that one is genuinely perplexing since pumpkins don’t have legs, nor a means to move, so they can’t cross a road in the first place, but he doesn’t want to start a debate. “To get to a greener patch? I don’t know, Haz.”

Harry snorts, “Because it fell off the wagon!”

Louis groans, genuinely groans. “How many of these did you memorize before we left this morning?”

“Not too many. Just enough to spout out here and there as the drive progresses. I just thought they’d set the mood. I feel like you need to be in a pumpkin-y mood before visiting a pumpkin patch.”

It’s Louis’s turn to snort. “And what happens if one is in fact _not_ in a ‘pumpkin-y mood’ when they visit a pumpkin patch? Do the gourds somehow sense it and rot on the spot?”

He can see Harry frown in his peripheral, “ _No_ , that person just won’t be very happy in the pumpkin patch. And they’re not gourds.”

“Okay, okay. Give me your best one. Put me in a pumpkin-y mood then.” Louis responds.

“Oh I don’t think you’re ready for my best one, Lou.”

“I assure you I am.” After all, Louis thinks, it can’t make this adventure any worse.

Harry lays the map down on his lap and Louis sees him turn a bit to face the driver’s side. “It’s a bit long.”

“Just get on with it.”

“Okay. One day two pumpkins friends are walking home from school together,” Harry pauses and Louis assumes it’s for dramatic effect, “They step off the curb just as a speeding car comes around the corner. One of the pumpkins jumps back to escape harm but other one gets hit.”

Louis winces, “That’s terribly morbid how is that supposed to put me in a good mood?”

“Well if you’d let me finish.” Harry counters, “The pumpkin that jumped back calls an ambulance and the injured pumpkin is taken to emergency and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, a doctor finally comes out to talk to the friend. He says, ‘I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through. The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life’.”

Louis lets the pun sink in for a moment before he drags his eyes from the road to look at Harry; who is smiling that blinding smile like he’s just so proud of himself. Louis doesn’t know whether he wants to kiss him or smack him in the groin. “Sometimes I can’t remember why I decided to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Harry’s smile just gets bigger, “You liked the way I looked in a scarf when I was about sixteen.”

Louis smiles back and meets Harry’s green eyes across the console, “Little did I know you’d grow into a baby Tarzan that can’t keep his hair short nor his shirts buttoned.”

“Heyyyyyyy.” Harry drawls breaking their gaze and looking back out the window. Louis watches as Harry’s eyes widen, “Shit, Lou! Watch out!”

Louis jerks his own eyes back to the road just in time to see the road ending abruptly. “Fuck!”

~~~~~~~~~

**Right Now, Present Time, In The Middle of a Corn Field:**

“There wasn’t supposed to be a split in the road! It looked like we should have been able to go straight for about twelve more miles!” Harry shouts.

Louis is still laying on the steering wheel. His head is starting to throb where he’s both awake too early and lacking his morning coffee. “Haz, we’ve already established that you were reading the map upside down.” He raises up slowly and grabs the map off Harry’s lap, twisting it around. “It you hold it the correct way it clearly shows a split path in the road, and the farm you want to be at is over here,” he points to a blue dot on the map before slamming it onto the dash, “in the complete _opposite_ direction.”

“Can’t we just turn around then?” Harry asks for about the fourth time since they drove off the road.

“Oh yes, just let me back right out of all the dead corn surrounding us and we will get right back on the highway, drive back the extra forty some minutes we spent going this way, and then start all over. That way we can get to your precious gourd farm by nightfall.” Louis can feel his ears heat with the irritated sarcasm dripping from him.

“It’s not a gourd farm! They’re pumpkins for the last time!” Harry spits, “You don’t have to be so damn sarcastic, it’ll barely be six before we got there which is still a reasonable hour.”

“Harry, I don’t even know if our car is going to start back up, we ran out half a tank of gas, and I have no idea where the nearest civilization is because you were reading the map wrong this entire time.” Louis puts his head back down on the wheel, “Forgive me if I’m a little stressed.”

He feels Harry place a hand on his back, “I’m sorry. I guess I got too excited wanting this to be a fun outing. We can always go another day.”

Louis doesn’t want to go another day, he’s fine not having pumpkins on their patio, but he doesn’t say so. “Just boot your phone up and see where the nearest gas station is before I try to start the car.”

He closes his eyes and listen as Harry shuffles with his free hand to get his phone, “Oh.” Harry says after a moment, “Shit.”

Louis pops his head up, “What now?”

Harry turns the phone screen toward Louis and points to the upper left corner where it clearly reads out ‘No Service’. _Fantastic._ Louis sits up and tugs his own phone out of his pocket hoping silently, but knowing he’s going to get the same result. Sure enough, he doesn’t have service either.

“Next time you want to go on a road trip to the middle of nowhere, I’m saying no. ASDA has plenty of pumpkins.” Louis says darkly.

Harry shoves his phone back in his pocket, “Just start the car like I said and we can see if we can get back the way we came.”

Louis turns the key slowly and isn’t even surprised when nothing happens. He just sighs, “God hates us.”

Harry gives him a look of disdain, “We can still walk back the way we came, and there was a town about fifteen minutes back. It’ll be a bit of a walk but it’s worth a shot right?”

Louis groans and leans over grabbing the map from the dash. He examines it a moment. It’s old and there are stains all over it, but for the majority it’s clear. The area where they’re at looks to have a town right on the other side of the corn field. “ _Or,_ ” he says putting a finger on the stain that smudges out the town name, “We can just walk straight through all this dead corn to whatever this place is.”

Harry blinks at him, “Okay. That sounds like the start of every bad horror movie ever but okay.”

Louis narrows his eyes, “This is whole trip was your idea, so I can still blame anything that happens on you.” He will too. He’s become very adept at blaming Harry for everything over the course of their five year relationship. It’s probably not healthy. “Besides, it’s not even midday. I don’t know one single horror movie that starts at midday.”

Harry narrows his eyes back at him. “Fine. Maybe they’ll even have a pumpkin patch.”

~~~~~~~~

Turns out corn is really hard to walk through. After they managed to get their respective doors open Louis quickly realized his idea sucks. It’s been five minutes and Louis doubts they’ve progressed twenty meters in front of the car. Harry is in front of him stomping down stalk after stalk of browning corn plants trying to cut them a path. For all the chill in the October air they’re both sweating.

“This makes me wonder how people stomp out crop circles to fake alien landings.” Louis says. They’d have to have some kind of equipment because doing it all by hand, or foot really, would be ridiculous.

Harry breaks off a stalk and steps down another, “They probably use tractors.”

Louis starts back in helping him. The snaps and crunches of their efforts echo around them and it’s almost unnerving. “This could take hours. This corn field could be acres.”

Harry huffs, “ _This_ was your idea, and it didn’t look very big on the map, from the look of it we’ve crossed most of it already.”

Sure enough, after a few more feet of corn they break into an opening and step out into… _a pumpkin patch_.

Harrys face is instantly filled with pure delight. “Well, would you look at that! It’s exactly what we’ve been looking for this whole time.”

Louis ignores him in favor of examining their surroundings. The pumpkin patch is decently sized, and it looks to be commercialized. Not very far across it there looks to be a stretch of main road, and buildings off in the distance signal a town. A small town if it’s anything, but a town nonetheless. “I guess we better go see about getting us a tow.”

Harry’s already marching along ahead of him. “I’m going to see what that sign says.” He says pointing to what appears to be an attractions sign beside the roadway, “Might be something useful.”

Louis doesn’t disagree and steps over the pumpkin in front of him to follow. Harry reaches the signs well before Louis does with his giant legs. Louis watches him disappear around the front of the sign when Louis’s barely even reached the back of it.

“Well.” Harry says as Louis rounds the corner. “I think you were right after all.”

Louis doesn’t get what he means until he looks at the big brown sign in front of them that just has one big lighter brown word on it. “Gourds. They have a sign that says ‘gourds’ right in front of their pumpkin patch.”

“Apparently. Do you think it’s a sign we are going to be murdered on this outing?” Harry asks ominously.

Louis gives him the most incredulous look he can manage. “How does that even make sense in your head?” He pauses, “Never mind, don’t answer that. We thought they were gourds until this morning, maybe they just didn’t research before they put up the sign. Why does the sign even matter?”

Harry just shrugs, “I guess it doesn’t.”

“Let’s go ask someone in this town where we can get a tow, please. Before I explode.” Louis says, turning his back on the sign. The town across the road looks entirely empty save for a few older cars. He hopes for their sake that Harry’s not right, and that he hasn’t just marched them both into a horror movie.

When Louis reaches the first business sign something it reads: Gourd’s Pharmacy. Something dawns on him and he turns back to shout at Harry only to collide chest to chest with him. Louis looks up and steps back, “Gourds, Harry, is the name of the town.” He pauses to let harry absorb the new information. “We are both idiots.”

“Are we?” Harry asks, “We aren’t the ones who named a town Gourds.”

Louis supposes he has some kind of point. “Since when did you get so snarky?”

“Since about five minutes ago when I got hungry.”

Louis has been hungry since they left this morning but once again, he doesn’t say so. Instead he leans against the glass window of the pharmacy and looks inside. The lights are on so it appears to be open, and sure enough there’s a girl with bright pink hair behind the counter staring directly at him like he’s lost his mind. He freezes for a few seconds until she smiles and waves a hand signaling for them to come in.

“Well, Haz, this is your last chance to run. If we are in a horror movie I guess I’ll give you the chance to save yourself.” Louis says.

Harry just snorts and walks around Louis to push the front door open. He then steps back and motions inward. “Ladies first.”

Louis gives him the stink eye as he walks past him and into the store. Most of the shelves seem to be stocked with Band-Aids and over the counter allergy medications, and the ones that aren’t are filled with candy. _How very small town._

The girl behind the counter catches his attention again, “Hi there! Welcome to Gourd’s Pharmacy is there anything I can help you with?”

Louis steps up to the counter and leans in to read her name badge. “Well…Perrie…I’m going to level with you. We kind of drove into the opposite end of your town’s lovely corn field and need a tow.”

Perrie’s face doesn’t change except for a slight widening of her smile. “Believe it or not that happens every year.” She walks around the counter and steps down. “If you go further into the town there’s a garage about two blocks up.” She points to her left, “There’s a boy named Olly who will tow you out for free. Should get you on your way in less than an hour.”

“Thank you!” Louis smiles, that sounds perfect.

Louis is already turning to leave when Harry steps past him. “Can I ask you a question?” Harry asks.

“Sure” Perrie says. “If it’s about Gourds I can probably answer anything.”

“How much are the pumpkins in the patch?” Harry asks.

“Oh, they’re free. My dad’s the one who grows them and gives them away when travelers come through. Take as many as you want.”

From the pure joy on Harry’s face, Louis wishes she hadn’t said that.

~~~~~~~~~

**Two Hours and One Argument Over The Size of Their Backseat Later:**

Louis is drinking a pumpkin spice latte that was complementary from the Gourds and Gifts Café and humming along to the radio. Harry’s in the passenger’s seat holding his favorite pumpkin. He turns around to count the thirteen or so that are in the backseat occasionally and make sure they’re all still there.

They’re about fifteen minutes from their house and Louis is thinking maybe it wasn’t such a bad trip after all, when Harry says, “I have one more joke.”

Louis sighs, “We are almost home.”

“Exactly, that’s why I have to make it _now_ , while we’re still in the car.” Harry reasons, “It’s fits perfectly with today, Lou, I _have_ to make it.”

“Okay, fine, but after this one I don’t want to hear another joke or pun or anything until at least Christmas.”

Harry just smiles. “What does Han Solo say to Luke when Luke visits a haunted pumpkin patch?”

Louis cringes, “Oh no. Please don’t.”

“May the gourds be with you.”

 

 FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> There probably is a town called Gourds somewhere, and I hope I never find it.


End file.
